Buffy the vampire slayer 34 (review and spoilers)

What the f*ck is going on in Buffy the Vampire slayer this month? Well without being more graphic, it is a whole lot of fucking. This month’s issue reads more like a porno than the usually Buffy we come to love and expect. I am pretty sure that was more sex in this issue than this month’s Playboy. I haven’t checked that to be sure but it’s an education guess. I have nothing against sex or porn for that matter but I’m still not sure what is going on in this book now? I am giving you guys my first spoiler warning here that Twilight’s true identity has been revealed. I gave you guys extra month to read last issue where he actually took off his mask so you should have read it by now. But I know some of you who read this blog are behind on your reading or are reading it though trade paperbacks so you should not read this review. This is your LAST WARNING, if you click the read more hear link, it will be spoiled. So don’t blame me, you spoiled it for yourself. THIS MEANS YOU KELLY!

So Twilight is Angel. This very statement causes Dawn to say in this issue “Of course he is? It doesn’t even make sense.” Dawn, I must say I agree with you and I did not see this coming from anywhere. Let’s back up to last issue and cover where I stopped. Buffy confronts the masked villain by crashing into his lair and saving the kidnapped and overmatched Andrew with his repulsor ray and all. Using her new superpowers Buffy grabs the villain and attempts to fly off in the distance with the villain like every good superhero should to get the bad guy away from the innocents so they can fight to the finish. In mid flight, Buffy realizes that Twilight has chosen his name from the Vampire book and movie series of the same name and attempts to crack a pun that she lived the whole vampire thing first and her vampire was so much better. This prompts Twilight to pull of his hood and reveal himself as Angel and tell her “I missed you too.”

Buffy and the readers who didn’t already know like myself are stunned. What the heck is this? As Buffy drops him in shock and he runs and starts mouthing off like most of the vamps in the TV series did. He tells her that he has superpowers just as strong as hers now. Buffy is convinced that Angelus is back but Angel says that is not the case. Meanwhile Giles who seems to know what is going on tells us that Buffy is in a no win situation no matter what she does. Buffy makes one last attempt to destroy Angel by hurling an Oak tree made into a stake at him that connects but does not harm him. An angered Buffy yells that he has killed her girls about two hundred and six slayers to be exact.

Angel says he didn’t kill anyone that it was happening anyway. Angel says that powerful people like the government were going to go after her and her group and he just put on a mask and manipulated things to distract them so it wouldn’t have been worse. While Buffy and Angel fight, Angel explains that by giving the potentials the power that she fundamentally shifted the balance of power in the world and when you do that people die every time. Somehow Angel manages to sweet talk Buffy into calming down and says a lot of things about how their bodies have changed and that this is their destiny. Buffy caves in to this line of thinking and when asked by Angel “Don’t you want to be happy together?” We end last issue with them kissing.

We pick up this issue with the rest of the Scooby gang wondering how the hell can Twilight be Angel? There is a lot of discussion about what is actually going on that I just didn’t follow. Giles explains something about what he thought was a fairy tale or myth that has something to do with the slayer and the balance of power between the vampires. He says that the universe is answering to the unbalancing of having more than one slayer at a time. The hundreds of slayers have thrown off the ecosystem and the universe is fighting back. Rewriting this now it seems to make more sense now but I’m still not sure what is actually happening. Giles seems to know of some mystical gizmo that can help somehow but he can’t find it, there is always a mystical gizmo isn’t there? He warns something is coming and it’s something bad.

What are Buffy and Angel doing while this plays out? Well they are fucking like bunnies, which I’m sure Anya would not appreciate the pun I just made. Sorry Anya but this is Buffy and puns are mandatory. Throughout most of the issue we get to see a naked Buffy and Angel try out every position in the Kama Sutra or the Joy of Sex (I know I’m dating myself here) and a few that aren’t in either. I’m sure both authors of those books never considered having sex while flying around the world without the aid of the plane. The two lovers join the mile high club in a very different way. While I am no prude, but I’m like this is the same guy who killed 200 plus slayers and I know he is her first one true love but come on Buffy. What is with the “porno music slash comments time”? Anybody who gets that reference, I give you a gold star you are truly a nerd.

So we end this issue with Angel and Buffy finally exhausted from some wicked porno sex and landing in some place Angel refers to as Twilight? Huh? I don’t know. Are they in the Garden of Eden and about to spring forth a new race of man as is implied by Giles this issue and mankind is doomed. Or are they in heaven? A baseball field in Iowa? I haven’t got the foggiest idea but I’m hoping that now we gotten the make up sex out of the way that we will get further details in next issue. Although I have bad news for fellow Buffy fans as Brad Meltzer’s arc concludes next month, we are told that they are taking a break in publishing the rest of the story for various reason that don’t make sense to me. My real guess is Josh is too busy with other projects and he wants to write the final arc himself so we will have to wait for a conclusion. I can’t see this helping sales since they have been down. For myself, I never want this comic to end because I love Buffy, Willow and Xander and want their adventures to go on forever. I am just that selfish.

I will close on a personal note, I have been watching Buffy re-runs on Logo every day and it has just reinforced how I feel about this show and these characters. Yesterday I watched the three friends Buffy, Willow, and Xander reconnect after being tricked by Spike before the final battle against Adam. I found myself teary eyed as Willow and Buffy climbed down the elevator shaft together and told each other they were sorry for losing track of each other their first year in college and they were best friends for life and that they loved each other. The group hug between Buffy, Xander, and Willow was quite moving to me as I thought of my own Scooby gang and how we haven’t had much time for each other the last year or so. I need to fix that. As sure as I am that Buffy will prevail against the coming evil, I am also sure that my own Willow, Xander, Giles and Anya will reconnect with me soon. They are all I have to fight against evil and I need them now more than ever, and I assure them that if one of them gets in trouble I will come running with crossbow and stake in hand to help.