One of Those Days!

EDIT: the following was written between 4pm and 5pm Monday Feb 8th and reflects how I was feeling at that moment and does not necessarily reflect my mood today or my mood when you are reading this.

Love and Rockets,

Mr. Analog

You ever have one of those days? Well I’m having one of those and frankly I’m sick of having them. I’m sick of being unemployed. Sick of my house looking like a toxic waste dump. I’m sick of getting bills from my insurance company that says I owe them nearly $500 for the next two months of coverage. That right I’m paying nearly $2000 dollars a year for health coverage just in case something happens. I’m unemployed I don’t have it. The state will want nearly $4,500 dollars in taxes this year just to park my house on this plot of land, I haven’t got that bill yet but it is coming. Again where will this come from? I haven’t got the foggiest idea; half will come from my tax refund. I’m getting a lot back this year, because "hey I have no income" except government funded socialism. Good thing it’s going right back to the State of Illinois!

I’m sick of struggling to understand web technology and code that is over my head. AJX PHP, JAVA, CSS, HTML, I’m sick of you all! There always something new I need to know and don’t. I went to an artist meetup last week foolishly thinking it would lead to some networking and a job. Idiot! It was full of unemployed artist like me wondering what to do with their lives now? Some gal there said she was learning SQL? What the fuck is that? I’ve never even heard of it. Bitch pleeeeeeze!

Late last night I found a link off the My Life as Liz to Zazzel.com where you can make shirts to sell for profit. Sounds good right? Maybe some Analog t-shirts to sell for some extra income so I poked around bit with the settings, and then I accidentally set up a store I wasn’t sure I wanted. Since the damn thing was up, I decided to play around a bit and make some shirts with the typewriter logo on them. However the price tag for the cheapest T-shirts was about 16 dollars which would be great except Zazzel is only giving me about $2.30 per shirt royalties. I understand they are a business and need to make a profit but fuck that is more than 75% profit for them. I looked at bulk t-shirts on line and you can get them for about $1.50 in bulk, and I’m sure Zazzel is getting these even cheaper. What a rip-off! I went down to Wal-mart to see if I could get some iron-on transfers which were $8.00 for a pack of 5 five which was more expensive that a 5 pack of T-shirts from Hanes. I may still do that and try you sell some via this website but my printer has called it quits, I might need a new one. So that has to be looked into sometime.

While I was one my way there I stopped into Bread Company for a bagel and OJ and the clerk recognized me and asked how I was doing to today? All I can think is fuck, I’ve come in here too often for this in the last week because I’ve been up late working on my website (spent 12 hours on it Friday). By the time I get up and going, the only options for breakfast are there or Denny’s. I haven’t completely lost my mind to go to Denny’s and wait for hour for food. I’m just burnt out on cereal and wanted something different. I saw the same 30 something gal there with her 80 something dad that I saw there twice last week. They both had their noses stuck in their laptops ignoring each other, real closeness there. I hated seeing that too. The only reason I noticed them last week was because they were having a loud discussion on how he should word his blog. That’s right he appeared to be blogging about playing chess with a friend. Which isn’t any worse than this rant but surprising because he was 80.

Speaking of websites and blogs, I now understand why half the Internet looks like shit because building a website is hard. Unless you know what you are doing, you end up using templates that look standardized and boring. I’ve started working on a Justice League website to work on skills which will be up soon. I’ve done some things that use standardized mechanics cleverly but for the most part I’m working from a template that is not that creative. Don’t see this helping me get a job. Then there is this blog if I don’t write something everyday no one comes. It’s hard to do that when you are only one person. So I end up regurgitating plots of actually writers in comic or TV in my reviews and that is hardly satisfying and takes more time than you would think. I’m sick of trying to endlessly plug this site, and going everywhere posting links and being a nuisance every day. I’m not really that self-centered and fuck I’m not even getting paid for this. So why the fuck do I care If 80 people come because I linked to DCO or 12 people show up because I didn’t link it anywhere. For some reason I do because it gives me some kind of validation. I won’t link this anywhere, since I don’t want to force people to listen to my whining shit if they don’t want to.

Then there is everybody that thinks you are an idiot if you are unemployed, that’s really fun. they all think you are doing something wrong. I’ve looked and there isn’t much opportunity in my field, and I’ve even taken the census test and got a 93 out of 100 on it. I’m still waiting on their call. My friend sent me a couple of part time job links for which I'm thankful, but one was at a casino where I could never work. They want friendly people and that ain’t me. I’m as anti social as you can get. I try to find any corner in Bread Company to avoid people while I’m there. I guess because basically hate everybody including myself. My therapist says he wants to start group therapy at his office, and I was like “hey I am in and I need it, because I’m socially fucked up beyond repair!” Still waiting on that call too. My next appointment with him is in April and I’m sure it won’t be set up yet then either. He gave me a number where I found a depression group but it’s also a bi-polar group and I lived with that with my Dad. I don’t want to deal with more bi-polar people, depressed I can handle and relate. The other, I’ve lived though, and don’t want to re-live it again.

The other job was at the Zoo, they are looking for people for the summer, which I think I could possibly handle working there. Basically I went for a mid $30,000 year job to now hoping an $10 an hour seasonal job will hire me because that is all that is available. And even better news I heard last night that the great white hope tea bagger MILF/Presidential candidate Palin was writing notes on her hand in ballpoint pen for her speech, and there was video to prove it. What are you like in 6th grade, Sarah? Being President right now isn’t like cheating on a math test in grade school. We’re in the toilet right now, so great let’s elect Miss Ball Point Pen, I’m sure she’s got answers. They are written right there on her hand. Not that Obama is any better, have you gotten anything done? Health Care, Jobs, the War? Not that I tell from this computer.

And oh yeah, Valentine's day is this weekend, I'm alone again and this time unemployed trapped in my house with no money. JOY!

Jesus, it all just makes me want to lie on the floor and drink beer and listen to Sheryl Crow’s some of more depressing songs for next six month or so. Fuck, it’s one of those days. So just let me rant and it will all be out of my system At least for today.