"MY" so called life as Liz

DISCLAIMER: The people, places and stories you are about read are all real....  at least that’s the way I see it. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. While some are short on happy endings, don’t be fooled into feeling sorry for me. The years 1982 to 1989 were the happiest of my life and while there are some things I would change there are others I would not trade for anything.

Love and Rockets,

Liz ... err Mr. Analog

The new MTV show My Life as Liz has reminded me of few life altering events, I tried to tie them in directly to the review of the show, but as you know I sometimes don’t know when to shut up. I decided to pull these out into this separate post to shorten both entries. While Liz’s transformation seems a bit unlikely it isn’t entirely impossible. Mr. Analog isn’t stupid enough to believe that change doesn’t occur from freshman to senior year in High School. In fact, He had a similar life altering experience that was quite as drastic change as Liz’s was. The summer of his freshman year Mr. Analog’s favorite musical performer was John Denver, his head was clearly in another nerdy place. However the next summer of 1982 when with his best friend was on vacation to Denver, he was trapped in his house without a car and unsupervised by parents who were working during the day. He found himself with his only companion the TV.

With no on else to turn to, he aimlessly flipped around the dial until finally landing on the relatively new station know as MTV. As music he was unfamiliar with blasted from his TV, the cute and bubbly VJ (or Video jockey) Martha Quinn spoke to him. She introduced him to his new favorite band The Go-Go’s, then Madonna, Devo, and Billy Idol. Dangerously leather clad and sexual women rocked across his TV like Pat Benatar and Joan Jett who challenged his idea of what a woman should be. They taunted him to “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” or screamed “I love Rock and Roll.’ The pop punk princess Aimme Mann with her wild haircut and rattail mesmerized him. Mr. Analog was smitten with his new musical guru Martha Quinn. There was no turning back.

As he discussed his new found love of rock at school in the fall, he met a new friend “T” that taught him about The Ramones, Generation X, Black Flag, and the Dead Kennedys. Suddenly Mr. Analog was a punk rock fan, and was introduced to local rockers at his school that had a punk band. He attended many of their concerts and slam danced while donning denim vest with as many buttons his favorite bands as he could fit on it. While no safety pins pierced his body (he wasn’t crazy) they did adorn his jacket. Once he even dressed like Adam Ant with war paint and colonial hat and pleather pants for one of their concert. Of course he had to change into that garb after he left the house because his parent would never approve such a thing. While Mr. Analog never went off the deep end with his fashions choices, he did wear a lot of black and white outfits. Music has a powerful ability to transform; “The country road” had not taking Mr. Analog “home” but to a seemingly alternate dimension of new wave mixed with punk rock. So I guess Liz could have had a similar experience but it’s never really explained while she didn’t want to be a Barbie any more.

The topic on Liz’s show on the horror of the Valentine’s Day Carnation was something I had completely forgotten. This might not have been a horror for you popular kids in high school but for us nerds and outsiders it was a reminder of how unpopular we were. While it might be bad for girls like Liz not getting a carnation, it was equally bad for us guys. The sending of an unwanted carnation to a girl you like but has no interest in you was equally painful.

Which begins us to the first girl that Liz reminds me of, we’ll call her “Kay” which is not her real name. Kay and Mr. Analog rode the same bus to school. Kay was a sophomore while Mr. A. was a senior. Mr. A. was surprised one weekend to find Kay attending his favorite punk band’s concert. Afterwards Kay and her friend needed a ride from the concert to McDonald’s so her mom could pick them up. Mr. A’s pal Jay (not his real name either) was driving so Mr. Analog seeing some damsels in distress offered up a ride. We were not stupid, girls needing a ride, guys without dates; we’ll take our chances. The girls hopped in the back seat of Jay’s Suburban while I took shotgun next to Jay. For some reason, there was a delay in leaving, I’m not sure why now. Kay asked “if it was okay if they could smoke a cigarette?” Trying to be cool, Mr. A. said sure even if wasn’t his car. The girls shared a smoke and then Kay asked Mr. A. if he wanted a one? Okay, what to do? Neither of us smoked but we didn’t want look uncool. Mr. A. quickly answered that “he would that he would take a hit” and Kay passed her cigarette to him. Mr. A attempted to act like he knew what he was doing and took a hit and passed it on to Jay who did the same. We passed it back to the girls and they finished it and we headed to McDonald’s. The girls pretty much ditched us when we got there but Kay and Mr. A now had something to talk about on the bus rides.

A few bus rides sitting in the same seat and conversations on music followed. Kay and Mr. A also ran into each other at the local pizza hangout a couple of times where Kay stopped to smoke a cigarette and chat with Mr. A. Valentine’s Day was getting close, and Mr. A got the bright idea to send Kay a carnation thinking “Hey I’m a senior and she’s a sophomore”, surely she’ll flattered that a senior would take an interest in her. A carnation is bought and sent for delivery by the student council people that ran that to raise funds. Kay was not in any of Mr. A. classes so it wasn’t until the bus ride home that he saw her. She was on the bus first and when Mr. A got on and inquired about her get his flower, she said yes but was less than enthused. Undaunted Mr. A asked about her attending a basketball game with him that weekend. She declined saying “she was busy already.” Rejected! Wow, that stung.

Life and basketball goes on in Collinsville, the dejected Mr. A goes to the games with his buddies anyway. Now you might think they story can’t get any worse. You would be wrong because it does. Sometime before the game while Mr. A and his friends sat in the bleachers waiting for it to start, Kay and her girlfriends showed up. “Oh God, no!”, and what’s worse Kay sees Mr. A and then decides to come over and plop down next to him to talk. Awkward! Why she decided to do this is beyond me. (“Yeah you can’t go to the game because you are busy, right”). I bite my lip and say nothing but small talk. Jay’s sister arrives and plops down in between us. The irony here is that the two used to be childhood friends, but had grown apart. One smoking cigarettes and going to punk rock concerts the other studying and working on school plays with the thespians. I was mad Jay’s sister at the time for this but it eventually lead to Kay wandering off to socialize elsewhere. In retrospect I owe Jay’s sister a big thanks for saving me from that bullshit. That pretty much ended my interest in Kay. I’m not completely stupid. Again something I’d completely forgot until I seeing Liz gets a string of carnations from a secret admirer.

Speaking of Liz, she bears a striking resemblance to another girl that stole Mr. A’s heart right down to the haircut and creative abilities. We’ll call her “the artist” I’m not sure when or how the artist came across Mr. A’s radar but she made quite an impression. I believe it may have been while Mr. A was working behind the scenes with the thespians as house management. Although Mr. A was a closet comedian, he was never quite brave enough to tryout for the school plays but desired to hang out with the budding actors. Besides they had all the cool cast party afterwards, and tearing a few tickets was his pass into that world. I think it was at one of these I encountered ‘the artist” She was everything thing Liz appears to be. She was a brilliantly creative painter who was knowledgeable about art history, new wave music and just damn cool.

Piet MondrainBy this time Mr. A had graduated was attended his first year of college, the career decision that led to his current doom had been made and he now identified himself as an artist for the first time. After a breakup with another girl we’ll call “the feminist” that we won’t discuss at this time, Mr. A found himself thinking more and more about “the artist.” She was still a high school junior so Mr. A again mistakenly thought again that being a college guy going after a high school girl would give him some cred. There wasn’t that much difference in their age, she was 17 and I was 19. Mr. A devised a prefect plan, he would call her up and ask her out to a weekend date to the art museum so they could discuss their mutual interest. One nervous phone call later and the artist agreed seeming to love the idea. However it was the dreaded day date since she had to work the evening shift at her fast food job. The day date is never a good sign since it almost always guarantees no sparks.

Andre DurainMr. A picked her up and bought her a rose but was forced meet the parents. A few nervous handshakes with dad and we were off to the museum. We strolled though the various exhibits and discuss our favorite pieces and artists. The artist was crazy about Piet Mondrian and his block like patterns while I preferred Andre Derain’s wild colors. Things appeared to be going well as hands were held while strolling though the displays and the topic of food was brought up. Chinese was settled upon and the artist and Mr. A went to St Louis Centre food court and split some shrimp fried rice. We fought over who would get the last piece of shrimp but always a gentleman I let the artist have it. Time for her night shift arrived and I took her home. Those day dates never produce kisses at the end of them but I was probably too nervous anyway. I was walking on air anyway, my perfect sole mate had been found at last. I could think of nothing but “the artist”. My happiness was short lived, I believe we exchanged a letter or two with from college but when I was home the next time and called her I got the sorry I need to work on “my portfolio” excuse and in fact I believe there was another guy “working” with her on as we talked so she had to go. I was crushed of course my soul mate didn’t want me.

It took awhile to recover from that but I did and moved on to other disasters. I hadn’t really thought about ‘the artist’ in a long time until Liz appeared upon screen last week. You know how some people tell you that they have no regrets and they wouldn’t change a thing about their lives. Not a single thing because it got them where they are now. I always think those people are full of shit and are lying to themselves. I have plenty of regrets and things I would change if I could. While I wouldn’t change the punk rock concerts, basketball games and the date with the artist, I would change who received the carnation. There was another girl Mr. A had a crush on thought out high school who was studious and wore glasses and wrote all her notes with a giant orange pen. She even tried to get Mr. A to stand up to his bullies in the class she shared with him. I never worked up the courage to ask her out, but had I sent her the carnation and invited her to the game, am I pretty sure she would have accepted. Why this never occurred despite me worshipping her from a far for four years is a mystery to me to this day. That I would change. I also might have tried to plant a kiss on “the feminist’ during one late night intense conversation about life instead of hugging tightly her, and maybe felt up her boobs, she did had a nice pair. The story of my non relationship with “the feminist is another one completely for another time.



Comments

[Dianne Loyet]

Isn't high school hard enough without adding this holiday flower-giving ritual? My son's elementary school was allowing kids to send candy grams during Christmas. Isn't that way too young?