Rowdy Roddy Piper just walked right by me!

To celebrate Rowdy Roddy Piper hosting Monday Night Raw tomorrow, I retell the his part of a longer story. Where I meet him at this year’s Wizard World Chicago. We pick up the story with us trying to get Uhuru from Star Trek’s autograph.

Okay, We’re headed to Uhura's booth, When get there, she's still no place to be found, but the sign on the front on says 2:15 pm. Okay, We are a little hot and sweaty. We grab a seat behind Uhura’s booth along the wall to recover. A few minutes go by and my friend realizes that people are cueing up. Damn, we could have been first but now we are about seventh or eight. Still, not bad but not first. We cue up. About 5 minutes go by, and I realize I better find out if she'll let us take a picture with her at all.

The whole idea is to take a funny picture of us in red shirt guarding her. And post it on the Doosh and Facebook or wherever for fun. I tell my freind to hold our place in line. I walk up to the front of the line and ask the guys minding the table. "Will she let us take a picture with her"? If so how much. The guy says "he thinks so" and it'll be $30. I walk back to my friend in line and tell him.

It's at this point the gravity of the last two hours of spending hits us. I look in my wallet. I see of the original $200 that was there is now just $50. Where the other $150 has gone? I can't really tell you. I've already charged some stuff, I didn't want to. But I have been controlling myself pretty good.

My friend at this point looks in his wallet and sees nothing. He is tapped out. We still have to get home and eat and we've waited all day. We're like 8th in line for Uhura. The line behind us is growing, there is no bailing now. My friend remembers the ATM that on the sidewall He says "I'm going to get some more money". I'll hold our place and hopefully since she's still not here he''ll make it back in time. He leaves.

No problem. It is just halfway down the con and up a stairway. He can make it. 5 minutes go by. I see some babes walk by that I’d like in a photo. But I can't, because I'll lose our place in line. 10 minutes from that go by. No Uhura, but more importantly my friend is not back. Something is wrong. It should not be taking this long. Another 5 minutes go by, I guess. I'm worried. He knows where I am, what happened? I don't own a cell phone, so I'm stuck. At least, Uhura is still not here.

About this time, something cool happens. I'm in line. I'm looking toward the wall behind Uhura's booth for some reason. When who should appear? Walking straight towards me and by the line? Rowdy Roddy Piper.

He is smiling and people are saying “Hi”. He walks right past me heading towards the door of the con. I'm dumb struck. I turn to the guy behind me and say, as though he didn't see what just happened. "That was Rowdy Roddy Piper! Rowdy Roddy Piper just walked right by me!" The guy behind me in line confirms and say “Yeah, He's really nice guy to talk to" "Really? Where his booth?, I haven't seen it." He points to the very back of the convention center autograph area. "Oh, back there." They have people spread out everywhere. “Wow, okay, he's on break I think,.” After we finish up with Uhura, I'm heading over there to see how long his line is.

Another 5 minutes go by and my friend finally appears, He says the ATM was out of money. He had to walk across the street from the convention center to get more money. That's why he was gone so long. I tell him again to confirm this just happened. "Rowdy Roddy Piper just walked right by me."

About two minutes later, here comes Piper going the other way past the line, but this time he's headed to the snack bar. He cues up in line. People say “Hello” as they go by. And he's ordering himself a Hot Dog.

They hand it to him. After putting on condiments of his choice, he heads over to the side of the snack bar. He turns his back to me and starts eating it with a couple of guys. I'm tickled. Roddy Piper is right over there, eating a hot dog.

I keep my eye on him, but STILL no Uhura. He finishes up and heads back to his booth. I've had it with waiting for Uhura. I tell my friend, hold our place I'm going to see how long his line is for Roddy. I shadow him back to his booth from a distance. There is a line but it's not Uhura long. I'm going straight to his booth after this. I return to my friend.

It's about 2:35 or 2:40 now. Uhura is really late. About this time, a big tall lanky beautiful brunette appears. She wearing a cocktail dress with Star Wars pictures all over it. She appears at the front of the line. I recognize her and the dress immediately. She was on the elevator with us this morning in the parking garage. We were lucky enough to walk behind her on the bridge to the convention center most of the way. Unfortunately, she went one way and we went the other.

But here she is again. She has short black hair that is curly in a bob. Beautiful creamy white porcelain skin that only a true fan girl can have. Never harmed by the sun. She also very tall. She taller than me. She’s got to be about 6 foot 3 or 6 foot 4. She is without a doubt the most beautiful thing I've seen all day. She is striking and headed towards me. But she is looking for the end of the line, because she is here to see Uhura too.

As she's walking back at the end of the line. I want to let her cut in line. I want to grab her and say something witty. Like (remember she likes Star Wars) "do you think a guy like me and princess like you could?" Then plant a red hot passionate kiss right on her lovely lips. Fall deep into her arms and never leave. I want to tell her she is the most beautiful creature I have seen.

I think all these things in a split second. But what do I do?  What I always do? When I see a beautiful girl that is exactly my type? I stand there like the stupid dope I am. I do and say nothing. She cues up at the end. I stare at her, drooling probably.

It's about 2 minutes after that the line gets the bad news. Uhura finished her panel at that was at 1pm to 2 pm. We didn't know about it. They are taking her on lunch break until 3:15 pm. Fuck. Do we wait?, We are 8th in line. Back of the line bails. People in front of us bail. And I turn to the back of line, Star Wars dream girl has bailed. She's gone. As quickly as she came. I have no photo. No nothing. Just a memory of her and her fabulous dress.

It's about 2 minutes after that the line gets the bad news. Uhura finished her panel at that was at 1pm to 2 pm. We didn't know about it. They are taking her on lunch break until 3:15 pm. Fuck. Do we wait?, We are 8th in line. Back of the line bails. People in front of us bail.
And I turn to the back of line, Star Wars dream girl has bailed. She's gone. As quickly as she came. I have no photo. No nothing. Just a memory of her and her fabulous dress.

Fuck this, I'm going to Roddy Piper's booth. I head to the back of the autograph area, and his line is not too long. It's about half of Uhura's, so I slide into line and cue up. As I stand waiting, the guy behind me starts talking to me about his autograph experience. So far today, he's lucked out and got in small lines. He's that damn cagey on how to do this. I listen as he relates how Lori Petty Tank Girl had no business, but was still a dick to him. I say "Well some people resent having to be here."

While he is blabbing on, I see Emma Caufield (Anya) slide back into her table. I know my friend doesn't give a shit about Roddy Piper so I suggest he goes over to her table. He declines. I'm like "dude, she is right there”, (about 8 feet away).

The guy working Roddy's table comes to me, I'm able 4th in line now. What do you want? Autographs are twenty and a picture with the Rowdy one is another 10. Well, fuck even though I'm down to $50 ,and a passed on this same price yesterday for Ted Dibiase. I am having a great time today, and this is Rowdy Roddy Piper. I'm getting my picture taken with him.

I think about what I'm going to going to talk to him about. Everybody knows about his WWF days, but I'm a long time fan of the sport. My first contact with Piper is him working for TBS the super station in Atlanta. Wrestling at the Chase in St Louis by the early eighties was losing out in ratings to the superstation guys. Vince was running the locals like them, out business with syndicated broadcasts of WWF. And Ted Turner wasn't helping with Georgia Championship Wresting on the Superstation. I was older now and knew  it was fake but I still needed my wrestling fix.

Anyway, Piper was a bad guy, of course! He was paired with legendary announcer Gordon Solie so could give to give the "bad guy" perspective to the viewer. His job was to enrage the viewer build sales at the local events. Now Gordon Solie was perhaps the best wrestling announcer EVER. He had a voice like gravel, which lead to him making everything sound like it was a life or death struggle. He was quick witted and smart. If a wrestler didn't watch out he would find himself on the end of a well placed barb from Gordon

This is what I wanted to talk to Roddy about, and a certain memorable incident with Gordon that changed everything. But before we get to that, here are both men in action to see how bad a guy Piper was. He was loud and opinionated. Worse than that. Not only wasn't he a southerner, HE WAS A FOREIGNER. And wore a kilt for god sake.

Watch "good guy" country boy Tommy "Wildfire" Rich goad "bad guy" Roddy Piper into match he didn't want. Gordon Solie commentates and Bob Armstrong helps. It's only about 3 minutes.

 Good stuff, huh?

My friend has returned with a signed picture of Emma half naked and wrapped in a blanket that looks like bunny fur. Man, she didn't have that in Philly when I talked to her. I envy it.

I am now second in line. Piper is greeting everybody warmly and smiling and joking with everybody. The guy talking to him asks Roddy to put him in his finishing hold the sleeper. He does it, pic snapped, that was cool, I'm having him do that to me.

I'm next. I walk up to Roddy, He smiles and extends his hand and greets  warmly me. I say "Mr. Piper, I am honored to meet you, I have been a fan of your for a long time every since you did color commentary with Gordon Solie on WTBS. The already animated Piper faces lights up even more. "Mister Solie was such a nice man, wasnt he?"

He still calls him Mister. Tthat how much respect he has for him even though he has passed. Roddy then says "You know he used to cover for me when I late getting back to the set." Roddy deliberately changes his voice to sound like Gordon. "Mister Piper is back contemplating his thoughts on the next match in the bathroom" We both laugh, that sounds like Gordon.

I next relate a incident that I still remember vividly to this day. I say, "I remember the day, a wrestler I can't remember who, knocked Mr Solie down and he had to be taken to the hospital. You came to his defense. You were my hero after that."

Immediately Roddy says. That was Don Muraco. "He threaten to kill me, you know?."Piper is even more animated now if possible. I still remember Roddy coming back after break and him having to finish the telecast without Gordon. I remember you saying as I change my voice to sound like Roddy. "Mister Solie is NOT a wrestler. NOT a wrestler. They have taken him to the hospital".

Roddy was the color guy, he didn't know how to do play by play. He struggled the rest of the telecast.

"That wasn't planned was it?" I say.

"No it wasn't", he answered.

You know something in me just snapped when that happened, he said." Roddy jumps up from behind the table and puts his arm around me. For the next 3 to 4 minutes I am Roddy Piper's best friend in the wide world. I am his long lost drinking buddy.

He says to me "Mister Solie had a bad hip you see. He repeats to me again...  "you know Don Muraco threatened to kill me after that"

Which may sound funny because wrestlers threaten to do lots of stuff to each other. But you see, this was not planned. Roddy was the bad guy and he had done something good and jumped on Muraco another bad guy and beat the hell out of him.

Watch the whole thing unfold as Gordon recaps a week later. Then, Roddy surprises Muraco by knocking him cold with fist full of a roll of quarters at the end of match with Tommy Rich. It's six minutes, but worth every minute. Unfortunately I can't embbed it, so click on the You Tube link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZuwn8618es#noexternalembed-lq-hq]Wrestling's Hidden Gems #82 - Roddy Piper Turns Face

I could tell by the way Piper said it both times the threat didn't happen on the air, it happened back stage afterwards. The helper guy has had enough of me now, he wants to snap a pic and get me the hell out of there. He has my camera from John and Piper sees this and puts his arm around me again.

Before I know it, the picture is taken. Roddy back then as you can see had gone from bad to good in an instant. They didn't know quite what to do with him them. Remember this is back when it was good and evil, No in between like now days.

He hadn't signed my 8x10 yet. he sits down to do it. And I continue "They (the bad guys) bought in Abdullah the Butcher to take of you after that".

Now if you don't know who Abdullah the Butcher is. He was the biggest baddest wrestling monster you could ever imagine. He was a certifiable lunatic. His photos in the wrestling mags were always of him with his head busted open with blood running down his face. He would be laughing like a madman. Worse that, he was a reported cannibal. He would often bite his opponent. He would sneak a fork in the ring to stab the guy and then bite the wound. He was 350 pounds or more, and god damn  nightmare come true. Or so I thought.

Now he was after Piper. But as I said "You laid him out with that roll of quarters in your fist right there in the middle of the Onmi in Atlanta" That was genius! Piper is exceeding pleased with himself over pulling the same trick twice. He hands me the signed photo and say nice to meet you. Then thanks for me waiting in line to see him.

Wow. I am now so geeked I can't control myself. We decide to get food back by Uhura and wait for her to show. The guy tell us tells us they are out of pizza, all they have is hot dogs. That's fine, I am still on cloud nine. While we are in line waiting to pay. Who should walk up for a dog? Jerry "the King" Lawler.

I am so emboldened by my experience.  I blurt out "King, I just want to tell you  I enjoy the hell out of you every week on (Monday Night) Raw". He says "why thank you". I say, "I don't know whether you write them or someone else writes them for you. But where do you get all those one liners? (that he is famous for?)" With out missing a beat, he lays this one on me.

"Well, I steal them mostly"

I laugh. Brilliant as always. We sit down to eat our dogs in peace. I'm eating my dog, and John nudges me. "I think that's Margot Kidder headed to the snack bar. "I bet she's getting a dog" I say knowing that is all that is left. She is, with lots of onions. She gets her dog and goes.

It is now 3:15 pm. Uhura line is long again. We know she has a panel at 4 pm again. She's still not there. Do we stay? I ask my friend. he says "my enthusiasm for seeing her is gone". I agree looking at
the line. I determine that we could stand there and even if she shows up now, we couldn't make it though the line time. We are broke again. We call it, and head to the car and a long drive home.

So we never did see Uhura.